We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
