I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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