New invention idea: vibrating tampons
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
