Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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