i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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