I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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