I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
