Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
whose parrot is this?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
