literally had 100 drinks last night.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
