The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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