I think scott just propositioned me for sex
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
