At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
