he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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