I am spending my child support on dildos
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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