So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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