So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
