Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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