Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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