Cold hands, warm shart.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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