He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
