where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
