I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
