he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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