ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
