Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
