I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
So much rum. So many feels.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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