Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
