Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Randomize
