She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
