I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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