dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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