She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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