So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
