Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
God gave him joint rollers for hands
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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