Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Success! We fucked roommates!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
