Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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