she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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