her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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