I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
