All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
