I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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