There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
