i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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