dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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