I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
