Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
