So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
