I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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