remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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