She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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