He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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