4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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