Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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