I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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