The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Come see our sink grown plant.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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