in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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