He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
