I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
