I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
