pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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