Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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