I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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