Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
